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Conceal, Dont Feel, Put on a Show

I have a huge weight on my chest and noone seems to realize that im breaking down inside.  Im not allowed to be worried about the ones I love? Im not allowed to miss them? Im not allowed to express myself differently? Im not allowed to be myself?! I cant breathe as it is and now its just me against everone else. Noone gets it, noone could EVER understand. I have the love experience of a 19 year old and im only 13. Most of the people around me have the mental age of about 8. Im ready to break free. I want to just go, make everything go faster and push away all the unnecessary excess. If I was at an arts school, everything would be more accustomed to me. Id be less wavering. Can you believe that just one person could make me feel so different about my existence? Of course you cant.

First Fashion Post

Hey, Yay, i'm doing a fashion post! Now, i have some very nice Gothic dresses and i think some guys stuff. BUT i cannot post them cause i'm not logged in...
Dang you, Ashlynn!
But boo, i'll try again another day

Fashionista club

I know like noone reads this stuff, but im in Fashionista Club in my after school program, so i'll probably be on here once a week or so. I'm going to post pictures and posts and probably link you to my "colleagues" blogs towards the end. Mine is going to be probably on band merch, gothic-age fashion, modern gothic/emo fashion, punk fashion, european fashion, accessories, blah blah blah

--Peace :*, Onyx

You've been Using Ketchup Cups Wrong

We've all been here, so watch peeps

Hand.in mine into your icey blues id end my days.with you in a hail of bullets

Am i just not good enough? im hardly counted and ive never been the favorite ex,no one was supposed to know we had sex. Shes not even dating thia guy and she fucked him for an hour in the park! Am i ugly? Should i just have not been cared about that first night? Or so MANY nights after? (sorry just sayin) I wasnt counted because i was a girl, so how could she even call herself bisexual if guys count more? Oh but because her last boyfriend was using her i matter NOW. But fuvkibg PARK SEX?! i dont want to call her a whore but i said it jokingly after a fight, so she believes it. I feel used and like i still dont matter enough. She said she told me because she loves me and im her best friend and it would eat at her, but really?! if youd regret it, dont do it, right? Maybe im just not goodenough.

Will you guys tell me what you think of me? Rate even out of 10, .5s allowed.

 

 

In the last one, im sure you can tell whos me

And when I lose myself i think of you

Am i the only one that feels like total, complete, utter shit? The kind that the one person youlove whole heartedly loves anything that glances thwir way? You tell her shes beautiful and you love her with all your heart for over a year, and sone random guy she just met and not even in person hits on her and she wants to be with them forever. What would you think of yourself? Low self esteem as it is, youd probably want to kill ypurself with a dull blade, so you can take all the anger out, replace it with pain, release your last breath, and make yoir date with whoever you meet at the end. Ypu just want to scream at them theyre a stupid whore but you know you dont think that and just want to carve it in your body on every limband apendage. Where you just want to curl up with your saddest songs and scream out all your favorite lines, voice broken by the tears you choke on (that rhymes if you think about it lyrically), coughing up blood, passing out from the loss and sudden chil hittibg you like a brick wall, not even noticibg until you wake up in thw hospital with tubes and blood transfusions and a rerun of something on tv land. Days have passed, you ask to see the visitors list, and theres thwir namr. You dont know whether to cry happily, sad and putting yoy in a worse state than you were, or regretfully that ypu probably put them through something horrible as tbeir name appears more and more.

I wish i could do one of these, just to see how much she cared. Id want an honest I love you, not a "lets fuck and ill tell you to gey over it" i love you. I wish she was here so i could hoard the electronics and see if shed hold me or just turn away and go to sleep. I eanna know hoe much she cares.

"judt break me down, bury me burry me", "emptiness of present s past, a silent scream to shatter glass", the eorld is ugly but youre beautiful to me", "if i lose everythibg in the fire, im sending all my love tp you" ,"there aint enough
 rain and alchol to was the sins out of this house"
"Runnibg through the monsoon, beyond thw world to tge end of time,"

Am i nessisary?

Why do i even try? who even reads this blog?! i mean, im not an important part of society. I'm "loved" but no one wants to date me. Im used for sex probably. "I love your body", "you have my favorite body", "But i mean, ypu shirtless" are all things that have been said during/ after sex and be honest, how would you think, especially when youre the one havibfto cuddle and youre not being held anymore? And you cant be thw one to be sexy, ypu just have to TRY to go for it, hoping success, more oftwn than not failing and feeling like a bad person. Or theyd rathwr masturbate, even AFTER sex when you probably didnt get off too much and youre scared to ask if them touching themself os betterthan you, because you fancy thwyre bettwr. you try your best to be their best or favorite lover, butyou know youll nevwr be that. I dont want to feel like this anymore but i cant helpbut givein to her.

"Barney the Dinosaur"

EVERYONE NEEDS TO WATCH THIS!NOW!

I need 10,000,000 copies of it right now

"Johnson, i need 10,000,000 copies on my desk by 10:00 monday morning!" I refuse to buy the actual album and endorse Radke. BUT DAT FRANK IERO! I am in loveee! EVERYONE LISTEN TO IT FUCKING NOW!

My Ask.fm AND How my life is turning out like my sister's.

MUH ASK
ASK ME SUFFS PLZ!

On another note, me and my ex and bff's mom hate each other, just like my sister and her ex and friend's mom... so that's that. Oh, and i'm never allowed over there again because she thinks something is going on between us (Even though there sort of was) and didn't want any of it happening in her house
(But it's a little too late for that) and said i couldn't spend whole weekends there, or basically anytime at all.So she's basically killing her own daughter because i'm the only one there for her and the only one she wants to be around.

BYE FOR HOW EVER LONG BBYS